Illusions of control

Father God Be Glorified.

i ask Jesus to show me who He was.  told Him “You want me to follow You. But i don’t really know You, to follow You.”

Well true to our Lord He showed up.  Beautifully i may add.  He showed up in children. In their laughter, and lack of worry.  He showed in Joy of picking up litter.  He showed up hearing unkind words spoken to me, and it not phasing me.  He showed up in touch that brought life to my dry bones.  And after He showed me these and other countless ways.  He then showed me how He did None of it Apart from The Father.

This is where it got tricky for me.  i shall venture to say for us all.  It is easy to walk along side someone, but to put them in the driver’s seat, nah we don’t like that too much.

So here i am in what i like to call advance class.  Learning beyond acts of kindness, and service.

Learning to trust God not only for All our financial needs, but also the really hard one for me emotional needs.

See to me God is way fair.  He gives you all the evidence you need to show you He can be Trusted with all.   It is our wanting of control that i feel blinds us to all He Has done for us.

i am not one of those people who, aspire to have wealth and fame.  i am more a, give me love, touch, and kindness Truth, there’s heaven on earth.  Flowers, birds and animals Bring great joy as well.

See Jesus was humble.  What makes one humble?  To do great things without needing anyone to noticing, or giving the credit to someone else.  He was kind.  What displays that?  Being kind to someone who mocks you, physically assaults you, or even says no, when you want a yes.  Jesus served others without asking anything in return.

When you seek these aspects of Jesus you realize how you really have no control over the things you thought you had control over.  you realize the true meaning of ” i do nothing apart from The Father”

It appears easy to go to work and say ” i made this much, i support myself, others”  but have someone tell you no when you really want a yes.  That’s when you really see that unless God gives you wisdom, and a loving heart there’s no way  you’re gonna take credit for responding in love to their no.  Or to their mockery of you.  The gossiping of your life, the betrayal.  The kicking when your down and out.  Seems everyone knows that to show kindness and humility amidst these circumstances, you have to seek Jesus to give you the humility and love in your heart.  As to not respond in hate, but rather love.  It is far easier i learned lately to become bitter. Verses, asking God what are You trying to show me, teach me?

While typing this He gave me the answer before i asked the question.  ” Give a man a fish he eats for a day, teach a man to fish he eats for a lifetime.”    See people come and go.  All will die.  So to someone who’s life goal is to Know the fullness of love and all it entails.  i must go through all these trials.  For if God had everyone say yes to my requests, and love me as i seek, how would i ever know how to love those who are rejected, and mocked.  How would i ever know the Depth of What Jesus did for us.  Not to mention Jesus is the Only One who will Always be there.  Never to die, forsake or leave us.  Giving me all i ask for from people is equivalent to giving me a fish.  Teaching me to Rely on God for All things teaches me how to eat for life.  Because i learn that He is the true Giver of all good things.

Jesus is teaching me the Beautiful lessons of rejection, and disapproval of man.  That we have the greatest Gift of all right inside us, HIM.  He is showing me that if it is something in life we really seek we will find it.  It may not come in the form, or person we may want it to.  but it will show up.  You might not get the hug from someone you love, but He gives it to you in laughter of a child, the snuggling of a cat on your lap.  You may not get the ride somewhere from whom you asked.  But you get the surprise, of an offer form the least likely to offer it.

i have concluded that even though i may feel i lack basic human needs at times.  God is always with me supplying All i need.  i just have to give up control, and receive what He offers instead.  i am privileged to also learn what is of real value.  How often i have received just as i asked for, only to take it for granted.  Not see the Real value in it.

i often have to repent for my lack of vision and gratitude.  But i am grateful that God has not given up on me, never will.  That He Loves me so much that He doesn’t want me to rely on that which fades away, rather that which is eternal. Jesus expressed in, Love for others, humility, kindness, compassion, Prayer, joy, and peace.

To have control is to lose peace, i am learning.  And to give up total control, is to say ” i don’t know best, But God does”.  He is Love so peace i shall have.  For it is LOVE controlling my life.

Father as you Purify my heart all i ask– is that i bring Honor and Glory to Your Holy Name as i fumble through the lessons.  that i may know the Joy of Jesus’ Peace in Trusting You For ALL.

may all that i think, say, and do bring Glory to you O’ Lord  our Savior.


Gratitude doesn’t always come so easy

God Be Glorified

God has taken me on a journey lately, revealing me to me.  Some things i am glad to see.  Some things i was shocked to learn.  Like how you could lose some of the Best things life, has to offer you, Just by judging it.  Like Family, Friends, Love and Gratitude.

Believe it all starts with pain.  i will speak for myself, i am not a fan of it.  Recently i learned that pain can be your best  asset. For in pain you learn who really cares for you, and what you really care about.  i use to think that love was only love if it made you feel good.  i have since learned that those that love you will hurt you.  ( to us sensitive people this may seem wrong).  Not because they seek to, rather because they wont settle for less then you were created to be.  This has taken me far to long, to realize this.   It took living in a comfortable none confronting, relationship to learn this lesson.  For when things are comfortable there is no stretching of yourself.  You remain stagnant.  You lose desire for anyone, else but yourself.  i learn you also lose yourself, and your passions too.   For i have come to learn it is in the stretching that your true self is revealed.

Take gratitude for example.  i thought i was grateful, till i realized that it, like love is a action.  Anyone can say i love you, i am grateful.  It is the ones  that show it in action that reveal they are truly grateful.

So many lessons, so lets just take Veterans as the example for this post.  My Brother and many family members served this country.  Yet because of my judgments on war and government, i never really appreciated All they did for me/us.  You would think that someone who couldn’t even make it through 6 weeks of basic would of learned this.  Yet it has taken me, 20+ years to see how ungrateful i was.  Just saying Thank you, i have come to learn for me, is not enough.  At least not anymore.  Now i seek to learn how to show appreciation in a way that speaks to their hearts.  Truly conveying to them, that though i may not fully understand their sacrifice of family and safety.  i am Eternally Grateful for the sacrifices they make Daily.    See  these men and woman know how valuable life, family, friends, and freedom Truly is.  i guess it takes losing something to understand its value.  For it was in the stripping of all of these things, that made me realize how Ungrateful i really was.  How utterly Selfish and self-centered i have been all my life.

i can only pray that as God continues to reveal my heart to me, that i will grow in love and gratitude for all life. That i will learn to value pain, as a Gift.  Not something to avoid, rather something placed in your life to show you the value of things.

So to anyone reading this, i pray that you too learn that pain can out weigh comfort in so many ways.  That when life seems to be at it’s worst, that is when true inner healing begins.  i am still not a fan of physical pain, but i have learned the value of emotional pain.  i also pray that Every Veteran Receive Gratitude and Respect for all that they have done.

in closing.  THANK YOU to every man woman who said yes to serving US!