Illusions of control

Father God Be Glorified.

i ask Jesus to show me who He was.  told Him “You want me to follow You. But i don’t really know You, to follow You.”

Well true to our Lord He showed up.  Beautifully i may add.  He showed up in children. In their laughter, and lack of worry.  He showed in Joy of picking up litter.  He showed up hearing unkind words spoken to me, and it not phasing me.  He showed up in touch that brought life to my dry bones.  And after He showed me these and other countless ways.  He then showed me how He did None of it Apart from The Father.

This is where it got tricky for me.  i shall venture to say for us all.  It is easy to walk along side someone, but to put them in the driver’s seat, nah we don’t like that too much.

So here i am in what i like to call advance class.  Learning beyond acts of kindness, and service.

Learning to trust God not only for All our financial needs, but also the really hard one for me emotional needs.

See to me God is way fair.  He gives you all the evidence you need to show you He can be Trusted with all.   It is our wanting of control that i feel blinds us to all He Has done for us.

i am not one of those people who, aspire to have wealth and fame.  i am more a, give me love, touch, and kindness Truth, there’s heaven on earth.  Flowers, birds and animals Bring great joy as well.

See Jesus was humble.  What makes one humble?  To do great things without needing anyone to noticing, or giving the credit to someone else.  He was kind.  What displays that?  Being kind to someone who mocks you, physically assaults you, or even says no, when you want a yes.  Jesus served others without asking anything in return.

When you seek these aspects of Jesus you realize how you really have no control over the things you thought you had control over.  you realize the true meaning of ” i do nothing apart from The Father”

It appears easy to go to work and say ” i made this much, i support myself, others”  but have someone tell you no when you really want a yes.  That’s when you really see that unless God gives you wisdom, and a loving heart there’s no way  you’re gonna take credit for responding in love to their no.  Or to their mockery of you.  The gossiping of your life, the betrayal.  The kicking when your down and out.  Seems everyone knows that to show kindness and humility amidst these circumstances, you have to seek Jesus to give you the humility and love in your heart.  As to not respond in hate, but rather love.  It is far easier i learned lately to become bitter. Verses, asking God what are You trying to show me, teach me?

While typing this He gave me the answer before i asked the question.  ” Give a man a fish he eats for a day, teach a man to fish he eats for a lifetime.”    See people come and go.  All will die.  So to someone who’s life goal is to Know the fullness of love and all it entails.  i must go through all these trials.  For if God had everyone say yes to my requests, and love me as i seek, how would i ever know how to love those who are rejected, and mocked.  How would i ever know the Depth of What Jesus did for us.  Not to mention Jesus is the Only One who will Always be there.  Never to die, forsake or leave us.  Giving me all i ask for from people is equivalent to giving me a fish.  Teaching me to Rely on God for All things teaches me how to eat for life.  Because i learn that He is the true Giver of all good things.

Jesus is teaching me the Beautiful lessons of rejection, and disapproval of man.  That we have the greatest Gift of all right inside us, HIM.  He is showing me that if it is something in life we really seek we will find it.  It may not come in the form, or person we may want it to.  but it will show up.  You might not get the hug from someone you love, but He gives it to you in laughter of a child, the snuggling of a cat on your lap.  You may not get the ride somewhere from whom you asked.  But you get the surprise, of an offer form the least likely to offer it.

i have concluded that even though i may feel i lack basic human needs at times.  God is always with me supplying All i need.  i just have to give up control, and receive what He offers instead.  i am privileged to also learn what is of real value.  How often i have received just as i asked for, only to take it for granted.  Not see the Real value in it.

i often have to repent for my lack of vision and gratitude.  But i am grateful that God has not given up on me, never will.  That He Loves me so much that He doesn’t want me to rely on that which fades away, rather that which is eternal. Jesus expressed in, Love for others, humility, kindness, compassion, Prayer, joy, and peace.

To have control is to lose peace, i am learning.  And to give up total control, is to say ” i don’t know best, But God does”.  He is Love so peace i shall have.  For it is LOVE controlling my life.

Father as you Purify my heart all i ask– is that i bring Honor and Glory to Your Holy Name as i fumble through the lessons.  that i may know the Joy of Jesus’ Peace in Trusting You For ALL.

may all that i think, say, and do bring Glory to you O’ Lord  our Savior.


how many times??????????

How many times did i have  everything i needed, when i needed it?   Never to  question to where it came from?  Never to even Thank anyone or God for it all being there where and when i  needed it.  Father forgive me for my lack of Gratitude.

i only ask this question because God brought it to my attention.  He did this by pointing out last night i asked for light.   The sun goes down before i start blogging.  i was plugging in a light  tonight and God said “I will supply all your needs”.  i had three-way plug for  laptop,  light, and I phone.  i then started thinking about everything i had at that moment.   Then the question came.

i believe this is why God says ” do not worry about anything” 365 times in His Written Word.  i can’t begin to think of all God has given me.  i am 42 years old.  i sometimes look at life and only see the big things.  House, car, job, health, friends……what about the little things?  Like public restrooms when you REALLY  have to pee.  Or not getting into an accident on the way to work.  That food that is in the frig?  The clothes and shoes you do have?  Bed to sleep in?  The light that comes on when you hit the switch?  The dog/cat that comes when you call it?  The mail you get?  The window to look out?  Heat in winter/A.C in summer?

i believe me even questioning this is God answering yet another prayer.  God make me have a heart of Gratitude.  If i can’t see what there is to be grateful about how can i Thank Him for it?     OHHH Faith.  Faith is believing in what you can’t see!   Wait that is why i think God is so Awesome.  He has given me 42 years of Proof that He will deliver.  So my faith can grow in believing that which i can’t see.    The more He shows me what i do have the more i have no excuse not to believe Him.   Now i am not asking for a million dollars either.  i truly would only want that if it Furthered HIS KINGDOM.  What i want is to dwell in His Presence always, a clean and pure heart.   Based off of what i see about me.  That is a HUGE ORDER to fill.   So maybe that is why He is showing me these things?  Maybe it is not to convince me He will take care of me here on earth.  But rather that i will be with Him in heaven?   This way, this world doesn’t get the best of me.  And i will Fight the Good Fight for His HOLY NAME.

All this from setting up a laptop outside.    See why i love God.  He not only gives me Good gifts, He lets me share what i hear and see.

i see this as worship/service to Him.  Honestly i do.  i could be fooling myself here.  But from how i see it.  He says His Word Never Returns Void.   So if i am speaking His Word, He will reap a Harvest of His Choice.

i must add this.  Our earthly parents (some) would take all that is given us and say look what I gave you.  Only to make you feel guilty.  God didn’t do that did He?  No!   He showed me what He gave, to open my eyes of Hope/Love in Him.

Father Thank You for using me to spread Your HOLY WORD.  Thank you for bringing healing to that guilt that was so heavily laid on me as a child.   Thank You for not being like our earthly parents, Yet using them to teach us all the more.  Thank You Jesus most of all for Dying for me.