what God wants

not sure what to call this post
my friend called me back and we had the most beautiful conversation. i pray all conversations are as Glorifying to God if not more.
She called to tell me the word she was given. (the one i mentioned last post)

“If you understood how much I Love you, you would relax and let me be your King”

We humans have problems with submission. Replace submission with relax. If we relaxed, knowing our King Loves us and has it covered. We would more than gladly submit to All He calls us for.

Yet look at the Israelite’s they had manna from heaven, water from rock, one on one conversations, ear hearing words from God. No guessing just listening. Yet they feared God (not righteously). Didn’t want Him to talk to them. “Send Moses” they said. They hide in fear of their sin. God called them out of it. In Fellowship with Him. They couldn’t bear to hear from Him. They choose sin over God. Yet He still calls. He even Cleared the way to Him.(JESUS)

i am saying Run to Him in it (sin). While hitting the pipe, while committing adultery, while the day is hectic,……….God knows it all saw it all before you were born. Just run to Him. Only He can fix what ales us anyway.
If we rested in His love for us we would know He is our King. He will not call us to suffer in vain. The enemy HAS BEEN DEFEATED. (that includes the loud mower in the background)
God will take all our junk and use it to Glorify His Holy Name.

i just heard how a woman’s husband came to know Jesus, High on pot. That didn’t stop him from doing it, at the time (years ago). Yet years later he just came back from India serving the lord, being His hands and feet to bring physical healing.
That’s what i am talking about. Come as we are, and God will not only change it but use it to bring Glory to His Holy name.
gotta go.
Father may all who read know the Love You have for them. May they seek you always, everywhere, and see You in everything.


2nd Revalation

i smoke.  My roommate doesn’t like it and he see’s how it controls my life.  So God in is infinite wisdom knows how to get me to look at things from the right perspective.  First He got me to see my dad just died of cancer, your roommate had it and now moms all alone.  you are smoking around those you profess to love.  If not for God then for the people in my life.  still i couldn’t quit.  best success thus far was trying to quit that revelation.  we are long past the stronghold phase onto idol phase now.

So tonight i got a two fold revelation on smoking and the idol it is in my life, one i had to be willing to drink of the cup of addiction.  meaning lets take crack cocaine or heroin, or a child stuck in sex trade.  would we ever ask to have such a stronghold on our lives, or be put in that situation?  heck no.  But God knows that is what it would take to show my love for Him.  another words.  God would never call us to endure such things.

But for me maybe that is what it would take to get me to see i can do nothing apart from Him who strengthens me.  we take out trash wake up, drive, work, all without Gods help we think.  so  i asked Him, to show me His heart and to reveal Jesus to me.  so He did.

He had me see my addiction to smoking as if it were crack i was addicted to.  we won’t explain how.  it’s a God thing but trust me i tasted that addiction and am grateful my God spared me in my ignorance to it’s potency.  God asked me would i be willing to endure that withdrawal if it meant trusting on Him alone to get me through it.   So that’s were Jesus revelation came in.  Jesus being God choose to drink the cup of coming down here, giving up His Kingdom to show us love and DIE A SINNERS DEATH.  Something He neither deserved or had to do.  That is the Father Heart of God.   So me wanting to know Jesus asking Him for His heart  showed me that greater pain then Heroin addiction or even sex trafficking did Jesus endure for us the true sinners.  i will let God judge who may enter, and who should be condemned.  It is written I am the judge saith the Lord.

i do not want that job, i’d never make it in myself.  i prefer His mercy over mine.

So here i am going through the emotions of could i endure if cigs were as potent as crack.  i then say please Father may  i not have to drink of that cup to know how much i need You.  then Jesus appears with “but if it be your will Father” then proceeds to go through Crucifixion .for our sake not His.  Jesus was already in heaven not to mention sinless would of made it in by a landslide.

see that is the death we don’t like to look at. the cross we don’t want to bare.  The death of child, the drug addiction,  you fill in the blank.

i asked for the Father’s heart.  it is written Jesus was a man of many sorrows.

i was at a friends house.  we were looking at before and after meth addicts photos.  My heart was crushed.  all those people who choose death over life.  Our God is bigger though.  He redeems all.  and Father i ask they come to know you through there addiction and seek to bring Glory and Honor to Your name.

See when God pulls you out of messes like that  how can you not sing His praises.  why He chooses to let others not choose Him i can not answer.  only that i boast in the Lord for He did choose us all.

i know this: God wants none to perish so therefore what ever the call on your life always know. God loves you with an everlasting love and has a plan for your life. You need only ask.  that simple.  i guess it would help if you believe in that which you ask.  If you do not believe in God how can you ask something from something that you say does not exist?  that is my question to those who don’t believe.  My God listens, hears, answers  me, LOVES ME DIED FOR ME.

When it comes to God i get so much Revelation i can’t keep up.

i only know i am asking to have His heart and sometimes that heart is breaking for His children.  That is the cup i do not want to drink.  the pain i do not want to feel.  but who will go.  think about it.

God is now showing me the children in poverty stricken countries.  who will go to them.  is it I Father?  is that how You wish me to serve you?  bring love to them?  or do i serve you here taking care of my mother?  oh no You didn’t.  what is that parable?   the one says I have to bury my relative the one just got an ox……..?  is that me Father.  who would take care of her?  who will speak life into her?  i know this is where You want me to be, but if this season draws to an end,  would i go Lord , if You sent me?

i hear Father tell me don’t just show love to your mother but to everyone you meet.  For whoever does this to the least of these does show Love to me.  Father teach me to love as You love.

Side note.  I asked God for a reprieve from the cup of addiction revelation so no more on that Revelation.    Thank You Father.  may there be no more need to show me that again, but if it brings Glory to Your name i will taste   oh Father strengthen me for what i ask for from you.

See whoever is reading.  i pray for hard things.  Jesus’ obedience, God’s heart for His children, to Love as He loves, God break me crush me so it’s none of me all of You.  i call them hard because to ask for things like mortgage approval takes no effort on my part.  either does asking for someone’s healing.  where it takes effort is in the walking out feeling an anguishing heart of disapproval, or pain in that persons body.  now ask for that.  that is what God feels.  God is love yes.  but who doesn’t Love without anguish?  when those you love are hurting themselves or others does that not break your heart?   where do  you think that feeling came from?  it came from God, He created us in His image.    Do you not think God longs to be with you?  He does!

He shows me He longs for me with flowers, music, beaches, cats, my husband, friends. not in that order which ever occasion calls for, He’s very creative.

why we have it wrong

Do we not profess that “salvation does not come by works but by Gods grace and love for man, shown by Jesus’ death on the cross”?

Yet satan has us all fooled into thinking we must follow this set of rules and regulations.  God knows we can’t that is why He sent His only begotten Son  Jesus to die for our sins pay our debt in full.

Yet here i am. i made a mistake and a brother in Christ is accusing me.  WHY?  does he not know that no one can be perfect?  i am guilty as well.  i do not profess not to judge others.  i only profess that I am seeking God to serve Him the best i can.  i fail and you know what.  God knew i would. That is why i seek to bring  Him Glory.  because He knew i would, and yet He still called me by name to love and serve Him, preach the good news of His love and salvation.

i sought someone’s help with a problem.  and was received with accusations.

i am trying not to be wounded by this.  satan loves to use others to wound us.

i am not sure if the accusations against me are correct or not,  for i am selfish.  i do sin.  What i am asking is …..did not Jesus die for me also?

Are you who accuse me not also a sinner like me?

All i know is seek God seek God.  that is all i have.

Last night in home group i opened up a can of worms.

i said ” i do not see my salvation as a one way ticket to heaven.  i see my salvation as how can i serve God here and now.  with what i have and what i do”.

it seems we are so concerned with getting people into heaven that we miss the whole point.

God wants to live in and through us now today where we are.  not wait to fellowship with us when we get to heaven.

Father am i wrong?  Am i not to seek you even when i sin?  i thought that was what your Holy Word was all about.  using sinners like me to further Your Kingdom.   David a man after Your heart, was a murder and adulteress.  Yet You used him in a mighty way.

Paul who wrote 2/3 of new testament.  Did he not kill your children?

so way do my breathren accuse me?

did i sin YES!

did i repent YES!

did i seek You while sinning YES!

did i ask for help Yes!

so why Father do i sit here accused by those you also saved by Grace.

i am not judging my brother, for he was hurt by my actions.  That is why God asked  me to repent to him ask not only his forgiveness but help with my sin.

My dear brother in Christ i am sorry i hurt you, mislead you.  i only know to seek God seek God.   i have to have faith that God is using all of me.  that He is using the FOOLISH to confound the WISE.   it doesn’t always make sense to me either.  But God has shown me that even while i am in the act of what we/He call sin He uses me to bring Him Glory if I ask.

Please do not misunderstand me.  God does not desire i sin, only knows i will.  That is the point.  We can’t WITHOUT HIM

The whole point of the Holy Spirit dwelling within us is to lead us into all truth, lead us to see our sin, repent, seek God, and comfort us.  It was not man that lead me to repent and confess my sin last night, it was the Holy Spirit within me.  This is my assurance that God is with me.

Do i wish to be perfect, yes and no.  yes because this world would then maybe believe me.   (no it wouldn’t it didn’t believe Jesus).  No because i have learned that through my sin i rely on God.  When things are going well and all is happy i tend to tell God ” i got this don’t need your help”  but when i sin i know i need God.  i believe this maybe what Scripture was meaning when It says” God will cause all things for good to those who love and are called according to his purpose”  one of the meanings.

i believe this is the mystery behind using the foolish to confound the wise.

i am not saying i am right only that which i feel God has shown me.

So Father ABBA i cry out. please use my sin/mistake to bring healing and Glory to Your name.

Father strengthen me to do Your will.  Lead me in the way i should go.  Keep from the enemy.

I have caused so much pain to others in my life.  i desire only to bring healing and love.  i CAN NOT DO THIS WITHOUT YOU LORD.

FATHER YOUR WORD TELLS US YOU ARE FAITHFUL WHEN WE ARE NOT.  i will stand on that knowing You can not lie and that is the good news of REDEMPTION our Lord speaks of.

May i add no sin is greater than the other all is equal.  So if we are to accuse others we must not pick and choose which we call sin but what is sin against God.  All have fallen. my favorite Psalms says…it is You and You alone God whom i have sinned against and did this terrible thing.  You saw it all, and your sentence against me is just.  but i was born a sinner, yes, from the moment my mother conceived me.  you deserve honesty from the heart; yes, utter sincerity and truthfulness. oh give me this wisdom……………..David wrote that after he committed adultery and murder.   according to this world my sin was not as great.   yet i still ask for that which David asked.  Forgiveness and wisdom to do better.

My second favorite Psalm is “the one thing I want from God, the thing I seek most of all, is the privilege of meditating in His temple, living in his presence everyday of my life, delighting in His incomparable perfections and Glory’.

‘listen to my pleading, Lord.  be merciful and send the help I need’.

“my heart has heard you say, “come and talk with Me, oh my people.” And my heart responds, “Lord, I am coming”

May God lead you to Him.  May all who read this seek God with all their heart, mind, and soul.  May that Spirit that dwells within keep us coming to Him for more and more wisdom.

Father Heart of God

Father Thank you that Your word says You Bless us into repentance.  it is  satan that comdems us.  tells us we/they are not good enough.  God can’t love or use me/them.

Father Thank You that You drew me to You with Your beauty and blessings.

Thank You that You are taking me to deeper revelations of Your heart.  You are showing me the true meaning of “while we were still sinners Christ died for us”   See i am to love like that.  i am to see all people as you see them, Dearly Beloved by God.  that i am to pour out my life as a sacrifice to God.

Not that Jesus was not enough.  More so that Jesus showed us God.  God loved us so much He stepped down from His Holy Throne to be with us.  Show us the way.  Sacrificially Loved us, mourned with us, encouraged us, taught us.  That is what i am to do.  i can know every Word in the Bible by heart, but if i do not Love others put them before me and my rights how will they ever know/see God dwelling in and through me.  See we know God by Jesus.  Jesus lived God on earth through His interactions with people.

Father not everyone is raised being taught Your word.  If i am the only representation of You in their lives may i only show You to them.  Not me….busy not enough time in the day, task oriented, angry, hatred, all those things i become apart from You.

The last to nights You took me from asking for Your heart for Your children, never wanting to have to separate myself from You.  To.. no God i can not take the pain you have for your children in pain…  to Yes Lord i will be cursed so that none shall perish.

Your Word promises You will never leave nor forsake us.  May this be the Joy always set before me.  But in order to have Father Gods heart i must be willing to separate myself from the Blessings of God if that is what it takes to bring others to God.   Another words if there was no reward would i still love others sacrificially?

Father i pray this makes sense to the people reading it.  i pray that as i fall deeper in Love with You that i fall deeper in love with all Your children.  May i put away the things of this world so that i may bring Honor to Your Kingdom.

All i hear You say is love others.  Father teach me to love as you love.  To not care who i impress, or who likes me, or if i’m smart or anything that is about me.  Teach me to care only that people know the Love You have for them.

i am so honored that you answer my prayers.  You show me glimpses of my life, that look like Jesus’ walk on earth.

Father forgive me for thinking of only myself, my needs, wants, desires.  May my desires be Yours Father.   Thank You God for showing me what Your desires are….That none should perish and All know the Love of God.

Blessings of Gods love to all those who read. SHALOM

another answered prayer

today we found out we got the loan for the house.  Father i humbly ask You to confirm that this is what you want for us.  May this bring Glory to Your name.

None of me all of You Lord.  Prepare me for this journey Lord.  A life of total sacrifice. A life of boasting only in You.

Teach me Your Ways O’ Lord.  make my paths straight that i may walk in a way that is pleasing to You.

How God talks to me

i was suppose to volunteer somewhere today.  but i over slept.   so the old me would of said you failed you fell short…. the transforming me says i am still preaching the good news God loves us anyway.  .  see i am a performance oriented person.  Word i recently learned.  It means i base value on working.  i feel i have to earn Gods Grace.  Which is a oxy moron because Grace can’t be earned.   So i base my day on how much i get done.  Now this is huge for me because i lived with a dictator as a dad.   There were mean words said and violence.  So believe me i was not raised in the LOVE OF GOD which is why it seems so foreign to me.

i can see why God has to tell us over 365 times don’t worry.

God used my cats to show me His love for me.  i could write a book on all He spoke to me through them. For now i’ll share that which i asked to be remembered of.  i was on the porch and the cats were outside. sitting next to me.  i looked at them feeling/thinking Wow you have the whole world to explore but you choose to be by my side.  Then comes what i now call the down load from God.  He says “they don’t have to fight or fend for their food, they know they have a safe place to live, so they rest in you.  This is what I want from you. just rest in Me”.    Wow when God gives you stuff like that you leap for joy inside.

Back to the works thing.  Here i  am sunning typing feeling like i am not contributing a thing to the world. And yet God is showing me He will use all things for His Glory.  That because i am resting in His wonderful provision  sun, chair, laptop, waterfall next to me, cigs, water, you name it i am enjoying my freedom in Him.  He says this is what I want.  If for a season i do not have to work for my bills then what am i doing with my time.  My prayer is that i bring Glory to God. Share Him with others the best way i know how.   Which is why this blog must be about God and God alone.  My experiences of course for i have nothing else to draw from.  If I will share others as i perceive them.   May all who read know the LOVE OF GOD through our CHRIST JESUS.