Wrap your brain around this one, i dare you

How do you wrap your brain around this?

i was setting things up to come outside to blog.   i had to get the one cat in, so i went back inside house.  As i was straightening up i was Thanking God not only for what had just happened, but for strength to straighten up house.  i was also thinking i wish i wasn’t down to two cigarettes i wish i could find a pack somewhere.

i lift a plastic bag off the kitchen table and an unopened pack falls out. i said to myself how do you wrap your brain around that?  Is it me???? or did God just grant me a wish.  i mean i asked for cigarettes.  That seems unlikely right?  i was so happy at what had just happened that, to be blessed beyond what i ever thought,  Was too much for me to conceive.

So here i am two full cigarettes lite at once.  Not understanding how God could want to use me?

i am sending this post out as a cry for the word God gave me, to be for-filled.  ” God is reading the harvest,  Return to your First love.  God wants to be your First Love”

i am going to share with you an e-mail i sent someone at church.  For ease of writing i will use names.  Don’t try to figure out who for i am, for i’m to remain anonymous.

Blessings my dear Sara i was reading a prayer e-mail for Melanie.  One of the things she may be doing in Thailand is visiting girls from sex trade.  i wanted to share with you what i felt pressed on my heart.

1.  If they (girls) are in America and they ARE

They are here.  they need homes.

2.  If they live in other countries

Could we provide that safe place here in USA??????  or there?

i also felt the verse ” the harvest is ready the workers are few.  Will you say we have time, harvest isn’t for 4 months?….Pray that there be workers.”

Jesus is Good!   Thank You Father for Your Son to show us the way.  Thank You Jesus for revealing Yourself.   “I do not pray that You take them out of this world.  But that You keep them from the enemy.”   Thank You Jesus for Praying  that for us.  God is Protector.  We need to receive this.  Know this.  Seek this.

Sorry Sara God is showing me things so i am typing them out.

Would you tell me what you feel?  If this moves you at all?  i was thinking if the Lord Provides larger housing for mom and another girl or two.  i would be honored to pass on the Love given me.  Can’t say i think i am good at that.  But that is what reliance on the Lord is all about for me.

Have a blessed weekend. and Shalom and JEHOVAH JIRAH

So here i am  water mister on. ( had to get that out), beautiful day, laptop and wanting to serve God with all these Blessings.  i hear go Love your mother.  So i will share more on this post next time.  For there is so much to explore on this subject.  i must do as told.  Blessings to all.

Father may Your Word reap a harvest for Your Kingdom.


God’s Love for Us

Before i was to start typing i felt the Spirit move me to go to God first.   Matthew 6:33 tells us to SEEK FIRST THE KINGDOM AND ALL IT’S RIGHTEOUSNESS   THEN ALL THESE THINGS WILL BE ADDED ONTO YOU.

i did not know what i was to write the Spirit said ” You must first go to the Father.  Thank Him for all that is provided.  Feel the breeze as if the Holy Spirit.  Ask God what is to be written.  May be what you heard yesterday is not for today.”

So here i am Praising God for i can see by the verse He gave me that this can get very deep.   So Father i ask that these words be Your Words that bear Fruit in Your Good Name.

Yesterday God really showed me how the more you go to Him the more you are aware when you are not.  It makes life kind of harder.  See i use to run on my own strength, will and know how.   For the past 4 months i have been EXCEEDING BLESSED  to know what it is like to go to God first and then have added onto me.

i would go to God to see what He wanted to do.  To Bless my time with those i was to go meet.  Protect my travels.  Enlarge my borders for His kingdom.  That i would hear what He has for His children.  Whether healing, encouragement, service.  To guard my mouth to only speak that which is of You God.  Teach me to show love to this person.  May i speak life to them.

When the end of the day came near God would reveal all He did through me.  Thus blessing me into repentance.  For He loves me enough to use a wretch like me.  Those filthy rags i told you we will see in ourselves.   We Praise Him because, we know where our identity comes from.  The One True Living God Creator of All that is Seen and UNSEEN. 

For me i look at it like this.  God knew everything i would ever say and do.  He still not only choose to bring me into this world.  He loves and died for me to be restored back to Adams fellowship with Him.   He provides and Blesses me here on earth.  Wants to use me to further His kingdom of Peace and righteousness.  To be able to HAVE THE PRIVILEGE TO ASK IN THE FIRST PLACE.  That is where i am reminded to ALWAYS SEEK FIRST HIS KINGDOM.

For the last 3 days i was running on self-will.  As stated i was miserable.  i guess this is to remind me His Yoke is Easy and Burden Light.  This i believe is what pleases God,  Fellowship.  Us humbling ourselves before Him asking Him to reveal Himself to us.  Than asking for Wisdom and Love to share with others while we are here on earth (OUR TEMPERARY HOME).  Asking for PERSERVENCE,  to walk out the LOVE shown us.  His Word tells us that He Delights in Giving Good Gifts.  Hello filthy me.  WOW  i can not understand that LOVE????

Father teach me to Always come to You.  Before i lift my head in the morning.  May i come to You. As I drink my morning coffee, may i come to You.  As i start the car, may i come to You.  As i drive…,As i walk into stores, meet and greet people, talk with friends, talk to family,  talk on phone, text on phone, e-mail, face-book, blog, serve my spouse, love my spouse, love strangers, love people!  to seek Your Judgment not mine.  To know i am just as Privileged as they i come into contact with.  To seek to serve rather than be served.  Humble me like Jesus.  He had full right to ALL this.  Didn’t have to wait to get to heaven.  He created it.  Jesus stepped down from THAT!   Can’t say i would.  i am to selfish.  i cling to the foolish things of this world?  Let alone Volunteerly stepping down from Your Righteous Throne to hang out with us.  Seriously i can’t fathom this kind of LOVE??????????????????????   Thank You Father and Jesus for revealing Jesus to me.  Now i am just starting to see The tip of All that Jesus did for us.

Father You Amaze me.  The Holy Spirit said Go to God.  Thank You Father for Spirit that dwells within me to have listened.  Well here we are and God you so taught me so much.  To be able to write this down is a Privilege i can not fathom.  Be Glorified Father.  Isaiah 55:10-11

How it all started for me.

100_8595People always like to ask you “when did you get saved”   i never have a straight answer.  i believe i was called before birth, heard the “sinners prayer” at 13 in the court-house, when my dad was trying to get rid of me through the court system.(why i love Psalm 27)    i like to think it was many, many years later that i got saved.  While on break at work.  i was out side in my car smoking a cigarette and saw a butterfly.   There were no flowers just buildings.  So I knew it was from God.  See butterflies symbolize transformation.  Something i seek for myself.   To be better than i am.  Always growing.

i saw that butterfly and knew God had sent it to me, as a promise of transformation.  Then began this journey of going to a church that lead to our current  church.  So here i am proclaiming His Holy Name.  Something i never saw myself doing.   For when i was 13 i certainly was not praying out loud in the C-Towne grocery store, or while drinking 40 oz Old English 800.  Two years later i did cry out to God to have me stop doing drugs.  He was Faithful of course, and redeemed me.  For 15 years i didn’t touch them.

Through the course of life’s tragic events i pick  THC (pot) back up again.  (age 30)  i sat on my couch high and said  “God i didn’t do this all through my mid teens and twenties why would You let me pick this back up again?”     i believe this may have been the first time i heard God talk to me.   He said and i quote  ” DO YOU REALLY THINK IT WAS YOU KEEPING YOURSELF CLEAN ALL THOSE YEARS?”     Talk about a humbling moment.  Wow i had to repent and  See God for who He was my sustainer, deliverer.  i then asked help me.  He said “Go help someone else”  By His Grace and His Grace alone i did.  i helped remodel some ones bedroom of all things.   Go figure.

So there  i was in my car (now 35ish) with God’s promise to redeem, transform me.  Everyday i see His handy work in my life.   i have since picked up pot, put it down, picked it back up.  Back and forth i go.  Difference is i go to God in the high.  (for the record no i am not high now)

i guess i should share my view on pot first for this post to make any sense.  As a kid i hated pot/drugs.  Then i smoked pot for the first time at age 10.  i remember being in the shower and saying to God.  Now i can never say i never did drugs.  My ego and pride were hurt.   So at 15 i said this won’t get me where i want to be in life and stopped.  For 15 years i hated people who did.  i would ask people their name,  if they smoked, and if the answer was yes.  i  would not talk to them ever again.   So you can see why at 30 years of age i was a little perplexed that i had started smoking again.

i am learning so much about God through all this.  First i am judgmental.   Judge not, yea be doing  the same thing you judge.   Second we all fall short, what makes pot any worse than any other sin in my life?   i still think that pot is not the way to go.  i believe that God wants us clear-headed.  i have learned that God Will cause ALL THINGS TO WORK FOR GOOD TO THOSE WHO ARE CALLED AND LOVE HIM.

i do not know where this post is going so please let me pray.  Father do not let my sin shame Your Holy Name.  Father let my life bring Glory to You Holy Name.  May my sin lead others to repentance.  May all that i am declare Your Goodness, Salvation, Redemption.

i believe that with all this back and forth God is trying to show me my sin.  That when i think i am ok.  Pleasing to Him.  i am still filthy rags in His Holy Presence.  That i can go to church 3 times a week.  say my prayers at night and before meals.  i can pick up that piece of trash from the side of the road.  Or help the old lady cross the street.   If i have not love and repentance in my heart it means NOTHING TO HIM.    I believe that He is showing me that Love and Thanksgiving is what He wants.  That in the High i can and do Thank Him, seek Him for my protection and Salvation.  Ask Him to lead me to bring Glory to Him.  To use me in spite of my sin.   When i am not smoking pot for years or months, i don’t ask him such things.  i think i know His law i’ll follow it, i am following it.  When i am smoking pot that which i deem un-redeeming i see myself for the sinner i truly am and humble myself.   This is leading me to see all Gods children wherever they are in their  walk with Him as Redeeming, Loved by God.   God uses the murderer, the rapist, the pothead, crack head, the lowly  in life.   These are the people Jesus came to save.  the righteous don’t need it.

i can hear it now.  Heresy!  She is of satan.   Jesus said a kingdom divided can not stand.  i declare God’s Glory and KINGDOM.   i have to be of Him.  For it is Him that dwells within me that declares all His Goodness, Salvation, Redemption.  How can i be of satan when i am asking God to deliver me from him?

i don’t understand all this either.  i just know i want that prayer as a little kid to manifest in my life.

God “let me see Your Light, grow towards Your Light and be filled with Your Light”    Where this prayer came from i can only guess God.  For i have not heard it before or since i was 6 years old.

My prayer now is let ALL of me Glorify You Lord.  NONE OF ME ALL OF YOU GOD.  Take that which i bring to Your Alter and make it Holy for You are Holy.

Only God can transform.  i can’t tried and failed numerous times.  i have fallen enough times to know.  It is Only God that Delivers us from sin.  Our best efforts don’t no matter how much we like to think WE HAVE THE WILL POWER.    Your fooling yourself  if you think this.  For God’s Grace is on EVERYONE.  HE RAINS ON THE JUST AND UNJUST.      i just happen to be the unjust He is Raining His Grace and Mercy and Blessings on.


may all that i do be unto You Lord Jesus, My HEALER, REDEEMER,  DELIVERER,  ONLY JESUS CAN MAKE ME CLEAN.100_8605

God will supply all my needs

Praise report. i am going into the shed for a three-way plug. So that i may plug-in laptop, and iPad. i have the water mister going. And God points out I will supply all your needs. He wasn’t joking. Umbrella for shade, mister for coolness, iPad for Bible, and assurance i’m in His will by phone call i just had.
Father if You supplied all these things that are non necessities then surly You will provide House, bills paid, etc.
Father may all who read know of Your promise of Provision.

i’m outside asking God to lead me in

i’m outside asking God to lead me in the next thing to do?  Asking God if it is ok to just walk in the garden?   As i walk the garden, pulling weeds, and listening to Psalms 119 on IPad, (grieving the time i won’t have in garden once house sells)    i am hearing the words of David and it is appearing all to clear.

i would love to type out all of psalms 119  and go through it with you.   i am not feeling lead to do so.  only to have you read it for yourself asking God and God alone to tell you what it says.

this is what this Psalm said to me.   i can not without God to reveal, what His laws and Decrees mean.   Without God we are to limited to understand what His Holy word says.  We give ourselves power in our thinking that we are smart enough to understand that which we read.   We Fool ourselves.  Holy Scripture tells us WE CAN’T WITHOUT GOD UNDERSTAND.

We try to take the short cut.  Have others search the bible for us.    Doesn’t work that way.    God’s Word is eternal.   He speaks that which He knows the person is ready for.  His word says  ” When you are faithful with little I will give you more”    If we go by what others tell us the bible says  instead of God, we may be mislead.  Why go to man for that which God wrote.    O’ Father please anoint this don’t let it come out wrong let it give only You God Glory.

i am not saying that God does not use man to teach His word.   It was man that lead me to search the scriptures.    Telling me read God’s word everyday.

What i am saying is…i am man, i too make mistakes.   i too go to God and ask please do not let me deceive myself.

this is what David is saying in 119. (are my comments)

17. ” Be good to your servant, that I may live and obey Your Word.

18. Open  (God has to open) my eyes to see the wonderful Truths in Your instructions.

19. I am  only a foreigner in the land.   (do any of us really know where we are and what our purpose in
life is? God tells us)
do not hide Your commands from me!  (if God wanted to He could, so David cries out please Lord don’t
take away from me) (these are the prayers we should pray) (Father may there never be a famine of Your Word)

20. I am always overwhelmed with a desire for Your Regulations. (are we?)

21.  You rebuke the arrogant: those who wander from Your Commands are cursed.  (there is victory in
Jesus, but we must seek God for salvation IT IS WRITTEN  Ps 50)

22. Don’t  (Meaning only God can stop it) let them scorn and insult me,  for I have obeyed Your laws.
   (trust me when you follow God you get filled with Joy and want to proclaim His goodness to everyone.
  People will scorn and mock you.  You will need God’s protection when they do)

23. Even princes sit and speak against me,   (princes may be a best friend, spouse,…..(not for long God
brings NO division between spouses) parent, brother. i’ll expand later on this) 
but I will meditate on Your Decrees.

24. Your laws please me:  They give me WISE ADVICE.

27.  Help me understand the meaning of Your Commandments, and I will meditate on Your wonderful
deeds.    (God has to give understanding)

28.  I weep with sorrow;  Encourage me BY YOUR WORD.    (instead of looking at God’s wrath  look at
God’s goodness in His word.  The Holy Spirit will convict you. Don’t let satan steal the Joy of
God’s word from you.)

29.    (BEST ONE YET)  Keep me from lying to myself;  (only God can do that, it is written The
Spirit will lead you into All Truth) Give me the Privilege of knowing Your instructions.
(here David knows what a privilege it is to even Know God, have His Word, Hear Him Speak, we are
not left alone to figure it all out for ourselves)
31. I cling to Your Laws. LORD, don’t let me be put to shame! (yes Father)
32. I will pursue Your Commands, FOR YOU EXPAND MY UNDERSTANDING.
33. Teach ME Your Decrees, O’LORD; I will keep them to the end.
34. Give me understanding and I will obey Your instructions; (only God can give understanding)
I will put them into practice with all my heart.
35. Make me walk along the path…….( God makes you walk along)
36. Give me eagerness for Your Laws rather then love for money.

Here is where God said blog this.
How many times in a day do you hear people say “if I could only win the lottery” now i ask this.
How many times a day do you hear “oh I wish I had more of God’s Laws”?
i am at a place where i am so full of the Joy of the Lord. He is talking with me all the time, and i just want to proclaim it everywhere i go, to everyone i see. This unfortunately doesn’t go over to well with people. i am told your to heavenly bound, don’t offend people, what makes you able to hear God. (wait praise report God has been so faithful to His word and sent like minded people in my path. one’s who do understand my joy and live in it too. Thank You Father)

The other day i was in Turkey Hill and said my standard “Blessings” to someone. It was well received and i actually found that shocking. Then God pointed out to me People need blessings, they want happiness, things to go well. They hear curses all day from everywhere. Keep blessings. Keep rejoicing, Keep proclaiming My Word. My Word’s have LIFE IN THEM.
so for those times i say “blessings” and the person looks at me weird, i will remember:”how will they know if no one tells them” how will they be blessed if no one blesses them.
Father i ask you to anoint this word. may i like David in Ps 119:74 “may all who fear You find in me a cause for Joy, for I have put my hope in Your Word”. Shalom

getting a new house

i don’t think this needs said.  but i feel it pressed on my heart to say.  That we have no money, and no idea where we are going to live IF the house will sell.    i only know that i am to step out in faith believing God will lead and provide ALL that we need.

He is showing me this by teaching me to lean on Him to get house in order, take care of mom,  take care of roommate.

All that i am doing is of His Grace.  The flesh in me would love to lay around and take advantage of not working.   By God’s Grace i am empowered to make calls, clean, pack, pick truck up from shop, pack mom’s house.   i do NONE of it.  God does it all through my hands.   Hands that i would not even have had He choose not to have me born with them.

i can take no credit for anything i do.

like  i said satan is tricky.  tries to get me to see how much i have to do/am doing and what others are doing/not doing.     God is doing it all!    Yeah Jesus   Be Glorified.

This is how God is showing me to take every thought CAPTIVE UNDER JESUS.

When satan attacks with pride or shame or whatever.  i attack using the Sword of His Word.

i do nothing apart from Christ that dwells within me.   i can do all things with Christ who strengthens me.

Christ Jesus does all the work.  my body is just His vessel.

Praise You Father Praise You.  Thank You for the Privilege to be used by You.

God inhibits the praises of His children

i heard this recently. “God inhibits the praises of His children”  At first i didn’t get it.  For worship music isn’t my thing.  (way i feel closest to God).  So i didn’t really take it as truth.   Then through hanging out with God so much i find myself singing His praises all the time.

i was just thinking that God inhibits our praises because, that is when we Exalt Him, humble our selves.  God is in the humble.  He honors it.   So now i see the truth in what was told to me.

This all started with  thinking about How i come to God now,  it’s unconventional.  All i keep hearing is “Seek you will find, knock and it will be open, ask you will receive”.  so i keep seeking.  asking for more of God and He shows up.

i don’t ever want to come across as justifying so i will say that God is pleased i feel only with my seeking.  We all fall short and He does not measure sin as we  do .  Not to mention our BEST is but FILTHY RAGS  in His presence.

i can’t help but to want to serve and seek a God who accepts me where i am.  Teaches me how to do better either by blessing or correction.  He talks to me.

This is when i learned the meaning of the two people i know who quit smoking the God way.  God told them one day “you don’t need that anymore”  That was it they stopped smoking.  That is my prayer that i will hear God say that and obey.

This i think is what a counselor meant when he asked “if God told me to quit smoking, or was that my decision”?  At the time i was trying to quit.   i get it now.  If we do not hear from God or do without seeking Him.  We will fail and/or miss the opportunity to grow in Him.

So to comfort my roommate who desperately wants me to quit  ” Have faith that God will get me to quit regardless how much i smoke”.

Sometimes i like to think it is my thorn.  Like Paul, what ever keeps you humble is worth it in my eyes.   Then i can fellowship with God.  When i think i am actually worthy to come to the Throne on my own, that is when i am in big trouble.  NOTHING BUT THE BLOOD OF CHRIST do i dare come to Throne with praises, thanksgiving and petitions.  (rereading this part i saw justification in that sentence i like)

may all who read have deeper fellowship with God.