Illusions of control

Father God Be Glorified.

i ask Jesus to show me who He was.  told Him “You want me to follow You. But i don’t really know You, to follow You.”

Well true to our Lord He showed up.  Beautifully i may add.  He showed up in children. In their laughter, and lack of worry.  He showed in Joy of picking up litter.  He showed up hearing unkind words spoken to me, and it not phasing me.  He showed up in touch that brought life to my dry bones.  And after He showed me these and other countless ways.  He then showed me how He did None of it Apart from The Father.

This is where it got tricky for me.  i shall venture to say for us all.  It is easy to walk along side someone, but to put them in the driver’s seat, nah we don’t like that too much.

So here i am in what i like to call advance class.  Learning beyond acts of kindness, and service.

Learning to trust God not only for All our financial needs, but also the really hard one for me emotional needs.

See to me God is way fair.  He gives you all the evidence you need to show you He can be Trusted with all.   It is our wanting of control that i feel blinds us to all He Has done for us.

i am not one of those people who, aspire to have wealth and fame.  i am more a, give me love, touch, and kindness Truth, there’s heaven on earth.  Flowers, birds and animals Bring great joy as well.

See Jesus was humble.  What makes one humble?  To do great things without needing anyone to noticing, or giving the credit to someone else.  He was kind.  What displays that?  Being kind to someone who mocks you, physically assaults you, or even says no, when you want a yes.  Jesus served others without asking anything in return.

When you seek these aspects of Jesus you realize how you really have no control over the things you thought you had control over.  you realize the true meaning of ” i do nothing apart from The Father”

It appears easy to go to work and say ” i made this much, i support myself, others”  but have someone tell you no when you really want a yes.  That’s when you really see that unless God gives you wisdom, and a loving heart there’s no way  you’re gonna take credit for responding in love to their no.  Or to their mockery of you.  The gossiping of your life, the betrayal.  The kicking when your down and out.  Seems everyone knows that to show kindness and humility amidst these circumstances, you have to seek Jesus to give you the humility and love in your heart.  As to not respond in hate, but rather love.  It is far easier i learned lately to become bitter. Verses, asking God what are You trying to show me, teach me?

While typing this He gave me the answer before i asked the question.  ” Give a man a fish he eats for a day, teach a man to fish he eats for a lifetime.”    See people come and go.  All will die.  So to someone who’s life goal is to Know the fullness of love and all it entails.  i must go through all these trials.  For if God had everyone say yes to my requests, and love me as i seek, how would i ever know how to love those who are rejected, and mocked.  How would i ever know the Depth of What Jesus did for us.  Not to mention Jesus is the Only One who will Always be there.  Never to die, forsake or leave us.  Giving me all i ask for from people is equivalent to giving me a fish.  Teaching me to Rely on God for All things teaches me how to eat for life.  Because i learn that He is the true Giver of all good things.

Jesus is teaching me the Beautiful lessons of rejection, and disapproval of man.  That we have the greatest Gift of all right inside us, HIM.  He is showing me that if it is something in life we really seek we will find it.  It may not come in the form, or person we may want it to.  but it will show up.  You might not get the hug from someone you love, but He gives it to you in laughter of a child, the snuggling of a cat on your lap.  You may not get the ride somewhere from whom you asked.  But you get the surprise, of an offer form the least likely to offer it.

i have concluded that even though i may feel i lack basic human needs at times.  God is always with me supplying All i need.  i just have to give up control, and receive what He offers instead.  i am privileged to also learn what is of real value.  How often i have received just as i asked for, only to take it for granted.  Not see the Real value in it.

i often have to repent for my lack of vision and gratitude.  But i am grateful that God has not given up on me, never will.  That He Loves me so much that He doesn’t want me to rely on that which fades away, rather that which is eternal. Jesus expressed in, Love for others, humility, kindness, compassion, Prayer, joy, and peace.

To have control is to lose peace, i am learning.  And to give up total control, is to say ” i don’t know best, But God does”.  He is Love so peace i shall have.  For it is LOVE controlling my life.

Father as you Purify my heart all i ask– is that i bring Honor and Glory to Your Holy Name as i fumble through the lessons.  that i may know the Joy of Jesus’ Peace in Trusting You For ALL.

may all that i think, say, and do bring Glory to you O’ Lord  our Savior.


Gratitude doesn’t always come so easy

God Be Glorified

God has taken me on a journey lately, revealing me to me.  Some things i am glad to see.  Some things i was shocked to learn.  Like how you could lose some of the Best things life, has to offer you, Just by judging it.  Like Family, Friends, Love and Gratitude.

Believe it all starts with pain.  i will speak for myself, i am not a fan of it.  Recently i learned that pain can be your best  asset. For in pain you learn who really cares for you, and what you really care about.  i use to think that love was only love if it made you feel good.  i have since learned that those that love you will hurt you.  ( to us sensitive people this may seem wrong).  Not because they seek to, rather because they wont settle for less then you were created to be.  This has taken me far to long, to realize this.   It took living in a comfortable none confronting, relationship to learn this lesson.  For when things are comfortable there is no stretching of yourself.  You remain stagnant.  You lose desire for anyone, else but yourself.  i learn you also lose yourself, and your passions too.   For i have come to learn it is in the stretching that your true self is revealed.

Take gratitude for example.  i thought i was grateful, till i realized that it, like love is a action.  Anyone can say i love you, i am grateful.  It is the ones  that show it in action that reveal they are truly grateful.

So many lessons, so lets just take Veterans as the example for this post.  My Brother and many family members served this country.  Yet because of my judgments on war and government, i never really appreciated All they did for me/us.  You would think that someone who couldn’t even make it through 6 weeks of basic would of learned this.  Yet it has taken me, 20+ years to see how ungrateful i was.  Just saying Thank you, i have come to learn for me, is not enough.  At least not anymore.  Now i seek to learn how to show appreciation in a way that speaks to their hearts.  Truly conveying to them, that though i may not fully understand their sacrifice of family and safety.  i am Eternally Grateful for the sacrifices they make Daily.    See  these men and woman know how valuable life, family, friends, and freedom Truly is.  i guess it takes losing something to understand its value.  For it was in the stripping of all of these things, that made me realize how Ungrateful i really was.  How utterly Selfish and self-centered i have been all my life.

i can only pray that as God continues to reveal my heart to me, that i will grow in love and gratitude for all life. That i will learn to value pain, as a Gift.  Not something to avoid, rather something placed in your life to show you the value of things.

So to anyone reading this, i pray that you too learn that pain can out weigh comfort in so many ways.  That when life seems to be at it’s worst, that is when true inner healing begins.  i am still not a fan of physical pain, but i have learned the value of emotional pain.  i also pray that Every Veteran Receive Gratitude and Respect for all that they have done.

in closing.  THANK YOU to every man woman who said yes to serving US!


GOD has called me to pray over my favorite city New York.  He and i walked, and bike the city.  Praying His outpouring of Humility, and love.  That all would seek Him, See Him.  i learned so much.  Like He is Here.  There will be some who will listen and some who won’t.  You will see some seeds watered, and others you will have to wait to see.    All i keep hearing Him say is ” how will they know if they are not told, Faith comes by hearing THE WORD OF GOD”  so He  has called us all to speak His Word.  i am not saying believe God or be doomed.  That is not the Word He called me to share.  He called me to say, God is Good, Shalom, Raise them in the ways they should go and when they are older they will not depart, His creation declares His Glory,  as my strength grew weary, i can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. He spoke Prayers of Blessing over people, He Prayed the children would see Him coming in Glory.  He prayed restoration and healing.  He showed me World Trade Tower points to HIM!

i can write a book alone on what happened in just two days in NY.  He wants us all to know that where ever our foot treads He is Before us.  Offer every step to Him, and watch HIM WORK.

Every encounter with someone is an opportunity to be Christ or see Christ.  Trick is. You must ASK FIRST.  Jesus keeps bringing this to mind.  How many times i went to NY  (anywhere) without any regard of whether God was there or not.  He is showing me ask Him to go before and with you and He Will!   As our Lord said. Do not worry what you will say The Holy Spirit will tell you, if they do not welcome you dust off your feet, it is not you who will lead them to Him, it is He that Leads us to Him.

Father lift the veil, open our ears, that we may see and hear You.

Isaiah 55:9-11 Zech 1:5,6 Matt 24:35 Mark13:31 1Peter 1:25

A Word of Encouragement



I want to take a little time to get personal and share with you some things that I have learned through experience and time and especially the last couple of years working with so many wonderful people on the internet.

I have been told many times by some peers and family, many of them well-meaning, but just lacking understanding, that internet ministry is just a hobby. They tell me that at the most it can be a tool used to get people involved in your “real” church. Of course what they mean is what I like to call the “brick and mortar” church.

The thing that I have found to be true though and especially working so diligently with so many of who have ministry on the world-wide-web is that the “real” church is right here! I don’t mean in the traditional sense of course, but the real church has

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Power in prayer

Father be Glorified.  in case anyone has wondered where i have been, i have been hand writing it all.  This post comes to you via me feeling God wants this one out there in cyber space.

Let me start off with the Proof first.  i went out to our truck one day and saw my wallet opened on center arm rest.  NOTHING IN TRUCK WAS TAKEN.  whoever was in there the night before went threw the things but took NOTHING.  No drivers license, no checks, no credit cards  ALL THERE.   Today i go to fill up the truck and put my keys and iphone on back bed topper.  Proceed to buy MTO.  Only to come back to my truck, full of gas Keys and phone where i left them.   ok there is your proof.  Now here is what started all this proof gathering.  God has been Showing me, Telling me that ” we have Power in prayer” “to pray where ever you go, before you open mouth, as you drive, visit places.”   With this said.  The truck has been prayed over, in, and around it for that matter.

i feel the more important lesson here is  His people.  That NONE SHOULD PERISH   it is Written.    The truck  is but one of many experiences i have had with Gods protection (answered prayer of).  He is Blessing me with seeing that prayers for people have lasting affects too.  That just as there where people praying for me i know nothing about, i could be for someone else.  It is answered prayer of empty me Lord that i may Only carry YOU.

i find i make a more positive impact when i first seek God in interactions.  i have 43 years experience on how i impact people without seeking God First.  NOT SO POSITIVE!

He has shown me He placed me everywhere i am so He can pray for them through me.  The collage campus i found myself on, hearing Him pray Pour out YOUR SPIRIT FATHER THAT THEY MAY KNOW YOU.

This is the Secret Place i feel.  No one can hear your thoughts, unless you speak them.  OH but God can.  He hears everything.  So as i seek to be emptied, i believe Jesus is revealing His Nature of Prayer with Father.  Therefore answering prayer MAY i KNOW YOU.

added bonus lesson Only Gods Word ALWAYS BEARS FRUIT.

Isaiah 55:9-11 Zech 1:5,6 matt 24:35 Mark 13:31  1 Peter 1:25


Faith vs. evidence

Jesus be Glorified!

i constantly war between not doing what i see worthy of His calling vs. He is using me just where i am.  Here is a passage from Andrew Murray’s book ” The Spirit of Christ” p.61 that brought comfort to this war in my mind and heart.   Father may Your Holy Spirit speak Your Truth through it to our spirit.

” In seeking for this power of the spirit, let us note the manner of His working.  There is one mistake we must especially be aware of.  It is that of expecting always to feel the power when it works.  Scripture links power and weakness in a wonderful way, not as succeeding each other, but as existing together.  “I was was with you in weakness…and my preaching was…in power”. ” when I am weak, then am I strong”  ( 1 Corth 2:3-5,      2 Corth 4:7,16 6:10,12:10,13:3,4)

The power is the power of God, given in faith, and faith grows strong in the dark.  The Holy Spirit hides Himself in the weak things that God has chosen, so that flesh may not glory in His Presence.  Spiritual power can only be known by the spirit of faith.  The more we acknowledge  our weakness , the more confidently we can expect the Spirits Power, even when nothing is felt”

in this reading i saw how when i am at ( what i perceive as) my weakest, that is when God is Glorified.  So long as i have any ounce of confidence in myself, God can not be Glorified.  For i then take from Him what is Only His.  It then appears that when i am doing nothing that He is doing everything.  This is where my faith lies.  Which then reveals to me the truth behind ” Spiritual power can only be known by the spirit of faith”

one of my greatest sins i feel is when i impart my beliefs/views onto God.  Thinking nothing can possibly come out of this.  Instead of holding true to His Word. ” My Ways saith the God of the universe are Higher then your ways, My Thoughts are higher then your thoughts “. It is becoming evidently clear how True this Word is.

We seek evidence , God already knows.  He needs no evidence here on earth.  So as we seek evidence here we miss the Truth in the spirit realm.  God is Spirit,  He lives in the Spirit, see’s in the Spirit.  Till He imparts to us Spiritual eyes, we will only seek to be satisfied in the flesh.  May we at once pray to have our eyes open to that which pleases God.  Not what pleases man.  Is not The Holy Spirit the Spirit of God Himself, testifying of Him,  Does not that same Spirit testify to us that He is at work perfecting in/us.  Not us perfecting He that Is PERFECT !

May we seek His Perfection, not ours.  May we seek to be full in Him, and Him fully through us.

i profess that it is our seeking of evidence  that is the true enemy of faith.  Faith is trusting/believing in God.  Evidence is trusting /believing in us.

Father may we only seek faith, not evidence.  To the Glory of Jesus Christ whom God sent to testify of His Glory.  Through His Holy Spirit that accomplishes what He sent forth.

Is 55:9-11 Zech 1:5,6 Matt 24:35  1Pet 1:25