What identity Lord?

i find myself asking the question Graham asks himself.   What Father do you want to be for me in this situation right now?  As Graham said you come to a place where you pick the identity because you know Him so well.

When i am with my mom it is Patients, Love, Compassion.  When with roommate it’s Self Control, Peace, Service, and Gratitude.

When i look at areas of my life where i choose to sin according to the world.  i can never figure out what God wants to be for me then.  Example.  When i go to light a cigarette.  What then?  Bite my nails till i have none left for next weeks snack.  ha ha

How do you wrap your brain around God wanting to hang out with you, and reveal Himself in new ways while you’re sinning.  This doesn’t make sense to me.  Does it you?  i am trying to pick casual sins we usually don’t think of.  While cursing out driver on road, fighting with spouse, buying a case of beer, being drunk on case of beer.  The crack addict.  God wants fellowship with us all.  And ALL the time i may add.   So how do you go to God and say use me.    when,  i’m drunk on my idol of choice.

i liken it to Paul’s thorn in his side.  He asked God to remove it and God said no.  Paul used it to keep him humble.   i am not saying i know best only how i apply this scripture to my life.  If in, my out right sin i go to God.  Then i’d rather have the sin to be humble enough to know i need Him who sustains me.  If i didn’t sin, knowing me i would think i’m all that.   Feel it’s perfectly fine for me to approach The Living God.  Not that it isn’t Jesus covered that all.  But it’s quite balzey to think your all that righteous on your own accord.  Hence why i always want to humble myself knowing NOTHING i DO IS WORTHY OF RIGHTEOUSNESS, LIKE JESUS.

so here i am saying God how do You work with me and my idols.  The things i use to escape life and it’s troubles?

Day by day goes by and i see Him using me.   How? Why?   Aren’t  i to look at myself as others do?  A sinner, no way God would talk to her, tell her His meaning behind Scripture, use her to speak life, and healing, pray for others.  She was a pot head, killed a baby, smokes, has a gay best friend.  How do i make sense of this?  Because i am to see myself as a new creature in Christ but i am still sinning.

Father may i know that You knew all this before You formed me in my mother’s womb.  You will Bring Glory to Your Holy Name with the abortion, drugs, and all i still do.  This is where my faith lies.

But what do You want to be for me in these times?????

Jesus You said ask thou shall receive,  keep asking, knocking, seeking, it shall be given.  Jesus i ask for Wisdom and Understanding.  That my life bring Glory to You not shame to YOUR HOLY NAME

Thank You Father for not only using me, talking to me, but most of all being my Unconditional loving Friend.     Isaiah 55:10-11


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