God testing my heart

i just typed 500 plus words in my last post. About how i want my heart to be. Pure and clean. Post was posted and only the title posted. i searched frantically for it. i tried resting in God to find it. Then it came. God knows all i typed. He is seeing if i really meant it. See you only lose that which God doesn’t want found. Maybe the post was just for me? God will get it out in His time. i hold on to things to tightly.
When i was on my honeymoon. i went snorkeling for the first time. Picture it God telling me for the first time i could hear Him, saying see how much I love you. Picture crossing water by sail boat from St Thomas to St John. Beautiful blue water and mountains. God says “see how much I love you”.
Sorry i digressed there. i was snorkeling and the fish were beautiful colors. All i wanted to do was touch one, hold one. i tried and tried and then God said “Why must you hold them?, they’re not yours, you don’t have to posses everything you see.” So i stopped trying to catch one and enjoyed all i saw instead of struggling to catch one.
Losing a blog, garden, ring, you name it. It all boils down to holding on too tightly. We did not create the universe. What makes us think we can hold on to anything for a life time, or ever for that fact.
God showed me this lesson when my apartment got flooded. i have no clue why the Spirit was there but i was so calm. i now know that it was the Holy Spirit. That not only had me, not freak out that all was ruined, but the Holy Spirit that told me. “We are not to hold on to things of this world, if we place to much value in them, they will be taken away. God will have no god’s before Him”. How do i know it was the Holy Spirit. Because i came home and all my belongings were under water. i had just moved in and wasn’t unpacked yet. So all my things were on the floor. Flood came from upstairs apartment and settled on my floor. Me i would of freaked out, yelled, been pissed off, drama,drama the world is coming to an end, i lost my things. Looking back now i am so blessed i did not waste energy mourning my stuff. That’s the problem, i’m still learning the lesson.
i get upset with roommate when all of this or that is eaten, when he leaves lights on, i lose something, someone is charging too much. It’s all stuff. It’s not mine, it’s on loan, even the money to buy the stuff. So lost post or not God will never leave me nor forsake me. so all is well in life. May all who read find comfort in their loses.


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