2nd Revalation

i smoke.  My roommate doesn’t like it and he see’s how it controls my life.  So God in is infinite wisdom knows how to get me to look at things from the right perspective.  First He got me to see my dad just died of cancer, your roommate had it and now moms all alone.  you are smoking around those you profess to love.  If not for God then for the people in my life.  still i couldn’t quit.  best success thus far was trying to quit that revelation.  we are long past the stronghold phase onto idol phase now.

So tonight i got a two fold revelation on smoking and the idol it is in my life, one i had to be willing to drink of the cup of addiction.  meaning lets take crack cocaine or heroin, or a child stuck in sex trade.  would we ever ask to have such a stronghold on our lives, or be put in that situation?  heck no.  But God knows that is what it would take to show my love for Him.  another words.  God would never call us to endure such things.

But for me maybe that is what it would take to get me to see i can do nothing apart from Him who strengthens me.  we take out trash wake up, drive, work, all without Gods help we think.  so  i asked Him, to show me His heart and to reveal Jesus to me.  so He did.

He had me see my addiction to smoking as if it were crack i was addicted to.  we won’t explain how.  it’s a God thing but trust me i tasted that addiction and am grateful my God spared me in my ignorance to it’s potency.  God asked me would i be willing to endure that withdrawal if it meant trusting on Him alone to get me through it.   So that’s were Jesus revelation came in.  Jesus being God choose to drink the cup of coming down here, giving up His Kingdom to show us love and DIE A SINNERS DEATH.  Something He neither deserved or had to do.  That is the Father Heart of God.   So me wanting to know Jesus asking Him for His heart  showed me that greater pain then Heroin addiction or even sex trafficking did Jesus endure for us the true sinners.  i will let God judge who may enter, and who should be condemned.  It is written I am the judge saith the Lord.

i do not want that job, i’d never make it in myself.  i prefer His mercy over mine.

So here i am going through the emotions of could i endure if cigs were as potent as crack.  i then say please Father may  i not have to drink of that cup to know how much i need You.  then Jesus appears with “but if it be your will Father” then proceeds to go through Crucifixion .for our sake not His.  Jesus was already in heaven not to mention sinless would of made it in by a landslide.

see that is the death we don’t like to look at. the cross we don’t want to bare.  The death of child, the drug addiction,  you fill in the blank.

i asked for the Father’s heart.  it is written Jesus was a man of many sorrows.

i was at a friends house.  we were looking at before and after meth addicts photos.  My heart was crushed.  all those people who choose death over life.  Our God is bigger though.  He redeems all.  and Father i ask they come to know you through there addiction and seek to bring Glory and Honor to Your name.

See when God pulls you out of messes like that  how can you not sing His praises.  why He chooses to let others not choose Him i can not answer.  only that i boast in the Lord for He did choose us all.

i know this: God wants none to perish so therefore what ever the call on your life always know. God loves you with an everlasting love and has a plan for your life. You need only ask.  that simple.  i guess it would help if you believe in that which you ask.  If you do not believe in God how can you ask something from something that you say does not exist?  that is my question to those who don’t believe.  My God listens, hears, answers  me, LOVES ME DIED FOR ME.

When it comes to God i get so much Revelation i can’t keep up.

i only know i am asking to have His heart and sometimes that heart is breaking for His children.  That is the cup i do not want to drink.  the pain i do not want to feel.  but who will go.  think about it.

God is now showing me the children in poverty stricken countries.  who will go to them.  is it I Father?  is that how You wish me to serve you?  bring love to them?  or do i serve you here taking care of my mother?  oh no You didn’t.  what is that parable?   the one says I have to bury my relative the one just got an ox……..?  is that me Father.  who would take care of her?  who will speak life into her?  i know this is where You want me to be, but if this season draws to an end,  would i go Lord , if You sent me?

i hear Father tell me don’t just show love to your mother but to everyone you meet.  For whoever does this to the least of these does show Love to me.  Father teach me to love as You love.

Side note.  I asked God for a reprieve from the cup of addiction revelation so no more on that Revelation.    Thank You Father.  may there be no more need to show me that again, but if it brings Glory to Your name i will taste   oh Father strengthen me for what i ask for from you.

See whoever is reading.  i pray for hard things.  Jesus’ obedience, God’s heart for His children, to Love as He loves, God break me crush me so it’s none of me all of You.  i call them hard because to ask for things like mortgage approval takes no effort on my part.  either does asking for someone’s healing.  where it takes effort is in the walking out feeling an anguishing heart of disapproval, or pain in that persons body.  now ask for that.  that is what God feels.  God is love yes.  but who doesn’t Love without anguish?  when those you love are hurting themselves or others does that not break your heart?   where do  you think that feeling came from?  it came from God, He created us in His image.    Do you not think God longs to be with you?  He does!

He shows me He longs for me with flowers, music, beaches, cats, my husband, friends. not in that order which ever occasion calls for, He’s very creative.


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